Currently enjoying his 15 nano seconds of internet fame is some kid named "Param" from San Francisco, the 17-year-old behind @itslavishbitch, the wealthiest, trolliest, most ignorant Instragram on the planet. If you aren't privy to this absolute circus of social media, then stop reading this shit, pick up your phone and follow him right now because everything about this is amazingly terrible.
This kid is rich, but not just moderately exclusive country club rich—we're talking straight up black gold oil rich. Sure, there's lots of super rich people on Instagram, but what sets Param apart is his completely blatant, excessive and wildly unnecessary "fuck you" lack of humility. Posting pictures of his nice things is simply not enough for dude. No, each pic of $5000 dollar sneakers and gold plated staples is underscored with captions that have the sole intention of asserting his dominance. Some people show off their wealth and some people fuck you in the ass with it. Lil homie prefers the latter. He is a king, you are a "peasant" and you better not forget it.
Homeboy clearly has some v deep-seated issues he is desperately working through (he uses the "N-word" more than a Tarantino script), but there's no point in going there. People half as rich as this kid are beyond saving, so you can only imagine just how much of a lost cause we are dealing with. Morality aside, what can we learn in terms of sheer, unadulterated flexing from the kind of guy who ties $4,000 to a bunch of balloons and watches it fly away for fun? What can a king, who without thinking gives away $60,000 on Instagram, teach us about not looking like a pathetic peasant?
Jake Woolf is a writer living in New York City. You can read his blog here and follow him on Twitter here.