The Best And Worst Dressed (And Most Heavily On Drugs) At The 2014 Grammy Awards

The Grammys are fucking terrible and everybody knows it. That being the case, I have to applaud the annually-televised confirmation of what is not cool for staying so relevant in the decades since the Internet made music free. While I watched basketball and waited for the west coast telecast, I saw what I thought was an inordinate amount of east coasters tweeting about the ceremony, ruining all the good jokes. I’m a cool guy Internet writer, which means I haven’t heard any mainstream music since I was 13 and, even then, only by accident, so a lot of this show was new to me. What makes the Grammys compelling after all these years? Is it the "Sara Aurora Borealis had an album this year? And it’s nominated for Album of the Year?" surprise factor? Maybe it’s the intrigue of seeing the day’s hot, young stars, then seeing 90-year-old Madonna and hoping the day's hot, young stars are wise enough to age gracefully and won't die clinging to whatever Madonna is currently clinging to.

The boring, obvious take would be to say the Grammys have remained relevant by addressing the social issues of our time. But the only interesting thing about that is imagining Middle America getting super hyped on the 26 country performances and then immediately feeling betrayed by the public endorsement of gay marriage. Dude, Timberlake, Bieber, Miley and Kanye weren’t even at the Grammys, so I’ve already spent more time thinking about the event than I will until next year when I’m still so poor that I have to watch this shit again on behalf of Four Pins. So, let’s just look at the clothes and talk about which singers we want to smang in the safety of knowing that not enough females read this site to call me out on my errant objectification.

Angelo Spagnolo is a writer living in Portland, Oregon. Read his blog here and follow him on Twitter here.

  • 2chainz

    Bruno Mars bolo tie was very #flagrant

  • sus

    LMFA @ struggle bey and jay

    • ThroneAdvocate

      A-Keys won a Grammy for her album Girl On Fire & ‘Fire We Make feat. Maxwell on the album is known as a contemporary urban classic. FourPins shut up about genres you clearly have no idea about. Still humorous, I guess….

  • Nic

    That Lupe picture is from last years Grammys

  • http://www.evilmerino.tumblr.com/ Evil Merino

    How is Lorde “Team Four Pins”? She is essentially the female Macklemore making songs about how excess/luxury/having money is in some way bad. Plus she looks like Bjork and T.Swift had some midget baby.

    • MonkeyBalls

      Don’t be such a twat.

    • MonkeyBalls

      Breaking news from the music industry: no one can sing well outside of a studio anymore. NO ONE

  • Pharrell’s hat

    Worst write up ever. I feel more stupid for reading this…

    • realtrehunnaJR Bow

      yeah but you overrated tho

  • kanyewesticle

    BITCH YOU WANNA THROW SHADE ON BILLIE JOE YOU BETTER AT LEAST SPELL HIS NAME RIGHT, YOU JIZZ-RIDDLED SHITBRICK.

  • realtrehunnaJR Bow

    pharrell real ugly for that hat

  • realtrehunnaJR Bow

    pharrell and that hat overrated

  • PRiNCETRiLLiAM

    fuck macklemore

  • cozyKev

    s/o 2 slipknot clowns daughter thou…

  • YSN RHMN

    I lost it at the Lang Lang slide, also dude in the blue for 30 Seconds is killing it?

  • ArticleSucks

    This article legitimately is one of the most retarded things I’ve ever read. I hope you have a lot of money (whoever wrote this) otherwise you need to get off your ass and get you some lol hating ass bitches man….you hated on everyone and talked about Taylor Swift sucking dick as a sims character lmao wtf is this nonsense

  • takashi

    the imaginary dragons is not a band

    • takoshi

      i know right? everyone knows it’s the imaginaried dragons.

  • Dafuq

    no u did NOT just call bey boring :S

  • GAS_SMOKER

    LMAO @ “slipknot clown”

  • Smoak E

    holy shit what do you listen to then? folk music? shoe gazing? indian music? garage electronica indie post modern silence music?

  • Adam Fischer

    Ive said it all over the place: google “Phil from rugrats” and put that shit right next to this pic of macklemore, they are twins right down to the colorway

  • 2Co Salamanca

    I’d much rather take Swizz Beatz than what Jay-Z’s cornball ass has turned into. What the fuck they got you on out in Portland cuz?

    • grimyliving

      grapegod.bandcamp.com

  • http://yachtclubhottub.tumblr.com/ prickasso

    the alphet on the blue guy from 30 Seconds to Mars is something that Four Pins would legitimately endorse as a cool look

  • http://yachtclubhottub.tumblr.com/ prickasso

    also, a rare miss for Mark Ronson in my v influential opinion

  • RELIGIOUSLESS

    Yes “Lord Willin” was that good….