The Four Pins Guide To Turning Down

Lately, everyone seems to be hell bent on getting "TURNT" (See also: up, turnt; turnip; up, turn). But, is it really all that it's made out to be? Is feeling like imminent death an ideal way to spend your Saturday morning/afternoon/evening? Has looking at your text messages from the previous night become a painfully shameful thing to do? Does spending a gratuitous amount of your hard-earned money on low-grade poison the best way to socialize with your friends?

Sometimes, you just need some "me time": an evening free of well whiskey shots and prescription stimulants. You may just need to ask yourself, "Turn up for what?" Here are a handful of helpful suggestions to support your rejection of "wanting to get weird" queries.

Nickolaus Sugai is staying in tonight. Follow him on Twitter here.

  • Bliss Foster

    All this sounds terrible.

  • mm

    name dropping TNGHT was the only thing that kept this alive

  • jules

    “being luis suarez” was the game changer here

  • Bronello_Cucinelli

    This is basically “12 THINGS ONLY PPL IN THEIR 30s WILL UNDERSTAND” [via Buzzfeed]

  • Dee Jay

    I forgot chillwave was a thing until I read this.

  • Fourpinz_hater

    1/10 of these posts are funny. And those are funny, not hilarious. A for effort I guess.

  • elmr

    I’m wearing basketball shorts while reading this, they are soo fucking comforable dude!

  • Asner Gelin

    Hahaha… Suarez…