Guys, are you paying close attention? It’s not enough that you spend too much money on your own clothes. These days you gotta lace your dog all the way the fuck out too. See, how the above pooch looks super perplexed in his fit pic? Yeah, that’s exactly how my face looked when I got the following press blurb:
"Zee.Dog is a steezy line of dog products created to bridge the gap between dogs and people with a mission to build a global army of Dog Lovers. Face it, Rob Dyrdek has a hat for every outfit, why shouldn't his dogs have the same luxury?"
Why shouldn’t dogs have wardrobes as comically color-coordinated as Rob Dyrdek’s? BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING DOGS. Goats wearing sweaters? That’s one thing. Over-accessorized dogs? That’s a fucking tragedy, my dudes. Although, my dog does seem to enjoy rocking a bandana every once in a while, but I’m almost positive I’m just anthropomorphizing. I mean, all she really wants to do is to sleep and roll around in smelly combinations of mud and animal shit. Because that’s what dogs do.
Thankfully, Zee.Dog doesn’t go so far as to actually manufacture DC sweatshirts for your dog. Instead, they just make regular boring dog stuff like leashes and collars and tiny plastic bags to pick up your dog’s shit. If I made dog shit bags I’d definitely put the same logos on them that dime bags have. So, like, dollar signs and bootleg Batman logos and probably, like, a spade or something.
The most disturbing thing I’ve learned while perusing Zee.Dog’s website? That people have Instagram accounts for their dogs. And not just anyone. Real people with real jobs and real relationships have entire Instagrams dedicated solely to their pets.They write captions and hashtags for them and everything. I guess this is how the course of our evolutionary relationship has run. My deepest apologizes to everyone involved.