What If World Leaders Wore Fire Jawnz?

Jan 06, 2015
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Complex Original

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I'm pretty fucking sick of turning on the TV I wrestled off a pre-pubescent girl on Black Friday only to see these swagless nerds in their flag pin-adorned polyester suits talking about tangible increases in education and welfare spending. I don't care about any of that shit. I just care about your trash fucking fits. Don't your colossal, ill-managed governmental budgets have room on the payroll for a presidential stylist? Don't you siphon off enough public money to cop a prime ministerial pair of J's? SMFH. But, like, what if?

Moksha August is a serial Four Pins commenter turned writer. I guess you could say that he started from the bottom. Haha, that's the spot. You can follow him on Twitter here.

1. americafuckyeah

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2. America Final

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Barack Obama, United States of America

Why Obama look like he about to drop the hottest mixtape of 2015 tho?

3. Canada Final

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Stephen Harper, Canada

The Crown Prince of Canada, Simon Harver (?) in that Haven in-house new new. I thought Canada was a state in America until I was, like, 9. Real talk.

4. England Final

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David Cameron, United Kingdom

When you pop down the shops for a pint of green milk in your worst leather joggers. Piss take.

5. Zimbabwe Final

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Robert Mugabe, Zimbabwe

I'm sorry for this one tbh. Horrible. Just awful.

6. France Final

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Nicolas Sarkozy, France

"Fam, slow the fuck down. What the fuck do you mean, 'Barack copped the last stars and stripes bogo hoodie'?"

7. India Final

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Narendra Modi, India

Throwback to June 5th, 2014, the fateful day when we identified the rare hemline layer gawd himself. ICON.

8. Japan

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Shinzō Abe, Japan

Abenomics is failing. Can Japan pull itself out of deflation, thereby securing a foothold for reconstructing the national economy? LMAO Who cares tbh? The boy Shinzo dumped his 85-year-old wifey and picked up this heater new J-Pop trophy. Roll up that raw denim, playboy. Do you.

9. North Korea Final

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Kim Jong-un, North Korea

Supreme Leader. Hahahahaha. Can the Four Pins servers sustain a prolonged campaign of cyber attacks or nah?

10. Russia Final

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Vladimir Putin, Russia

Putin looking extra soft in that mothballed Gosha Rubchinskiy. Hide your girl.

11. Bush Final

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George W. Bush, United States of America

Engineered Garments? More like engineered terrorist attacks. Bush did 9/11.

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