It’s Unisex If You Want It To Be

"Who's this new chick with the mad futuristic sounding name writing for my favorite website?" I hear all you thirst lords prowling around my shit like I'm "French-American writer Emily Lever." Newsflash, you human dehumidifiers: My name is unisex, just like this swaggy turtleneck sweater by some Scandinavian label you're probably too damp to have ever heard of.

Danish waffle-knit marled cotton? Curved hems? Side slits? I know, it sounds like the prelude to a Jon Moy wet dream. Unfortunately for you, it genuinely is listed under the "Shop Woman" section of the website, but so were those Kenzo all-over tiger print sneakers you copped secondhand for $500 from that Russian eBay store specializing in shoes for chicks with big feet.

So fuck it. Be progressive. Forget about the constant physical, verbal and emotional torment you suffered at the hands of your high school classmates for having a girl's name. It's unisex if you want it to be.

Moksha August is a serial Four Pins commenter turned writer. I guess you could say that he started from the bottom. Haha, that's the spot. You can follow him on Twitter here.

  • Emily L

    LOL

  • Ekwinoks

    gonna be looking like somebodies mom walking around in this

    • dan

      someone’s v swaggy mom nonetheless

  • The Comments Section

    You made it out. We’re proud of you, son

  • Trill Mister

    You made it out the comment section bruh, the swag lords looking upon you with grace