So this morning I get an email from my Editor-in-chief. Is that supposed to be capitalized? Guess what? I don’t worry anymore ‘cause I got an EIC. Back to the email at hand. It contained only a link. A link that sent me, oddly, to the Gap—An institution that honestly does not come up a lot in Four Pins correspondence. And then I saw it. The Gap is selling a Wu-Tang T-shirt. At first, I said to myself, "How is this any different than Hot Topic selling any band’s T-shirt in the mall?" But then I realized this wasn’t just any band. This is the Wu-Tang Clan. I mean, what the fuck, guys? Liquid Swords is seriously my favorite album of all time—Without any caveats like, "favorite hip-hop album of all time" or "favorite Wu solo effort”—no, favorite album. I think following the link may have sent me into a slight existential tailspin. I no longer understand how the universe operates. Fuck a Higgs Boson, someone explain this shit to me.
How did this even happen? Is the Wu-Tang Clan now like the Rolling Stones, and you can just buy their shit all over the place? Are killer bees gonna be for sale at Target soon? Who at Gap was like, “You know what? We really need a Wu-Tang shirt to compete with J. Crew and Club Monaco. Chambray western shirts and mom butt chinos ain’t cutting it anymore.”
Seeing this today was like the first time my Dad texted me. It’s not right. I don’t’ know why, but it’s not right—I can feel that shit in my soul, man. Wu-Tang shouldn’t be at the Gap and my Dad should have to call me and leave a voice-mail if he wants to get a hold of me. I’m happy for the Wu-Tang Clan. I mean I hope this gets them money. But it’s like when your favorite band quits heroin. You’re really happy for them, but everyone knows nothing will ever be the same again.
