The 10 Saddest Places To Go Shopping

Sometimes on days like today, when the sun is shining and people are outside smiling and I’ve had a full eight hours sleep and a satisfying lunch with interesting people and everything just seems right, I like to take a minute to reflect about the good things in life. I’m talking mostly about money, guys. Cold hard cash that I can throw in the air and then frantically pick up off the ground before anyone steps on it, so it’s still clean enough to roll around in on my bed later.

Whoever said money can’t buy you happiness is woefully misinformed. In fact, I would like to know the Instagram handle of whoever said that and tag them in a photo of me every 1st and 15th of the month grinning like a fat, toothless baby when I get paid. And then I would like to take them with me on a shopping trip when they can see exactly why money makes me so happy because it allows me to BUY THINGS. I love THINGS!

But, of course, like everything else, sometimes it also makes me sad. Namely, when I come across a shopping location or concept or “retail experience” that leaves something, if not everything, to be desired.

Since I’m only here to serve you—and yes, sometimes I do mean “serve you” in the dance battle sense, although not right now—I’ve outlined the ten saddest places to shop, so you can keep on smiling in the name of unbridled mass consumerism. As you should, since it's your god given right as a citizen of planet earth.

Steve Dool is a writer based in New York City. Follow him on Twitter.

  • ralph48

    the Northland shopping center is actually in Southfield, a suburb of Detroit that is also very ghetto

  • Themediabull

    Personally I think Barney´s is a pretty sad place to walk around as it reminds me how poor I am

  • Dave Hahn

    I want the minute I spent reading this stupid thing back – there are farts I could’ve dropped in that time.

    • http://twitter.com/MrDool Steve Dool

      I find it works best when you can read and fart simultaneously. But, you know, multi-tasking is somewhat of a forte of mine.

  • Drew

    typos

  • Eminem

    Hey! Detroit is awesome guys!

  • jackhmar321

    haha i lost it when i saw north korea

  • TrillCosby

    I hate Hot Topic as much as the next guy, but man, ragging on emo in 2013 is like ragging on a dead guy, because that’s what emo is… dead. The only place I’ve seen them in years when I strolled pass a Hot Topic while in a mall like a year ago. But that shit pretty much died back in 2008 after people bagged them so much and most of the emo generation graduated high school, had to get jobs, went to college where that shit didn’t go over anymore.

    They probably still exist if you live in some backwater middle American town that’s always 6 years behind anyway.