Stumpy, But Not In A Cool MMA Fighter Way

Guys, these Rick Owens DRKSHDW shorts finally went on sale, making them almost affordable. I've been wearing jeans pretty consistently so far this summer and it's only been OK because the Complex offices are kept at a nice -40 degrees Fahrenheit. But outside, this selvedge makes for a literal Dick Oven (s/o Rimer for that one). Truth is, I've got some pretty muscular calves TBH, so shorts kind of just make me look stumpy, but not, like, in a cool MMA fighter way. But I feel like because of the poopy butt situation happening here that they will distract people away from my legs and onto wondering whether or not I am an insane person who spent legal tender on these things.