Shotgunning With Your Feet Up

I’ve never been to the Opera which sucks because it’s a v rapper who's friends with Obama thing to do and would make for great #nxtlvl Instagrams that would mildly impress my 25 followers. I think what’s holding me back is the insane ticket prices and the fact that I’d blow my fucking brains out all over the anesthesiologist and his wife behind me once I realized that du onstage isn't going to stop singing in Italian. However, If my girl ever drags me to Lincoln Center I’m definitely copping these nonnative Opera Shoes. They come in brown and black buttery chromexcel leather and they’re basically just slippers, so you can keep your cozy boy status on turbo even when you’re surrounded by musty old money. They’re the 2013 equivalent of bringing your Bud Light in cans instead of bottles. While all the other herbs are sitting there in their sweaty ass lace ups with glass shards in their pockets, I’ll be three seats away, shotgunning with my feet up, letting Giuseppe sing me to sleep.