A Search Engine Dedicated To Fashion

The Shelf is some sort of weird hybrid integrated shopping/RSS feed/advertising network/search engine thing that I don't really understand. According to them, it's "like a suped up Google that only finds fashion bloggers" AKA A FUCKING ABOMINATION. Basically, you follow a bunch of bloggers that you probably already follow on other social media platforms and then you can shop their looks directly. WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE I HEAR THIS PITCH EVERY THREE WEEKS? Although, I'd love it if someone hooked me up with some affiliate links. I'll start a site tomorrow called "BUY THIS SHIT RN THO" and it'll be full of affiliate links. Catch me endorsing EVERYTHING EVER, getting 5 cents a click-thru, dawg. I'm tryna reinvest in my influence. And who doesn't want their alphets to pay for themselves?

I realize that ad hominem arguments are the absolute worst, but the co-founders of The Shelf met at a salsa class in Princeton, NJ. The one time I went to Princeton, I bought a hoagie and got crazy bored. NO ONE EVEN INVITED ME TO AN EATING CLUB. I also went to Cherry Hill on that trip. The only reason to ever go to New Jersey is to spit "sliding through like E-ZPass." I realize that anecdote had nothing to do with The Shelf or digital marketing or online communities or the commodification of online communities or anything like that, but somehow it all makes sense in my head.

Could you guys imagine if The Shelf was primarily a #menswear network? LOLZ. The "trendsetters" would be a bunch of guys in tights and foams, talking greasy, linking to Karmaloop Kazbah and shit. JACK THREADS STORE CREDIT THROUGH THE ROOF THANKS TO THE BIG HOMIES AT THE SHELF. HOW COME MARGIELA AIN'T EVER TRYING TO GIVE ANYONE THAT AFFILIATE FLOW THOUGH? Oh, that's right, because they're cool. Got it.

  • Bazooka Joe

    I searched for: Adrianne Ho. please do not disturb me for the next three hours.