Requiem For NBA Jeans

YO I JUST WOKE UP FROM A XANAP AND WAS THINKING ABOUT ITEMS OF CLOTHING THAT MAKE A STATEMENT. "STATEMENT PIECES" IS WHAT I WOULD CALL THEM IF I WAS A EUROPEAN JERKOFF WITH A FAUXHAWK THAT WAS A "STYLIST". NOW A STATEMENT PIECE CAN SAY POSITIVE THINGS AND IT CAN SAY NEGATIVE THINGS B. YOU FEEL ME? NIGGAS CAN LOOK AT AN ITEM OF CLOTHING YOU ARE WEARING AND DRAW A CONCLUSION FROM THAT SHIT. "OH YOU'RE WEARING A SCARF IN JULY? YOU ARE WILD DUFFABLE." OH YOU'RE WEARING FLIPFLOPS TO YOUR FARMERS MARKET IN DECEMBER? YOU'RE CLEARLY A WHITE PERSON. YOU KNOW? AND SO ON AND SO FORTH. ALSO WORTH NOTING THAT IF YOU LOOK AT CERTAIN STATEMENT PIECES THROUGH THE LENS OF TIME THE "STATEMENT" THE CAN CHANGE DRAMATICALLY.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE STATEMENT OF THIS PIECE. IF YOU WEAR NBA JEANS YOU ARE SENDING A VERY CLEAR MESSAGE. THAT MESSAGE IS MOST LIKELY "I HAVE DISCHARGED A FIREARM WITH THE INTENT TO MERK A NIGGA". IF YOU SEE A DUDE WITH NBA JEANS ON IN 2014 HOMIE HAS DEFINITELY HAD TO MAKE HOMEMADE ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES AT SOME POINT IN HIS LIFE NAHMEAN. ORIGINALLY ME AND MY PAL DESUS CAME TO THIS CONCLUSION ON OUR SHOW "DESUS VS MERO" (PLUG)…THESE SARTORIAL THEORIES ARE BASED ON OUR COMBINED YEARS OF RESEARCH CHILLIN WITH GOON NIGGAS IN THE WILD SAVAGE LANDS OF THE BRONX NAHMEAN. LIKE THE TRUE RELIGION THEORY WHICH I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU HERE BECAUSE GO SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST.

YO REMEMBER WHEN NBA JEANS WAS THE SHIT THOUGH? I COULD NEVER GET INTO IT. I HATE SHIT ON MY JEANS, UNLESS THEY WERE GIRBAUDS WITH THE STRAPS. YO DEANDRE JORDAN IS A HORRIBLE FREE THROW SHOOTER B! HOW YOU AIRBALL A FREETHROW? ARE YOU DRUNK MY NIGGA? ANYWAY YEAH REMEMBER WHEN NBA JEANS WAS POPPIN? YO I SEEN A RARE JOINT WHERE ALL THE LOGOS WAS FUBU SHOE KHAKI. NBA JEANS WERE MADE TO ROCK WITH LUGZ B. IF YOU SEE A GUY IN NBA JEANS YOU NEED TO VACATE BECAUSE HOMIE IS EITHER A GOON OR A PUERTO RICAN UNCLE THAT JUST CAME HOME AND IS WEARING ALL HIS NEPHEWS OLD SHIT.

STUFF LIKE NBA JEANS IS GOOD BECAUSE IF YOU ARE A FEMALE LOOKIN FOR A DUDE TO PILLAGE YOU CAN SPOT AND STAY AWAY FROM A NIGGA IN NBA JEANS BECAUSE YOU KNOW HIS LAST GOOD YEAR WAS 2003. HERE'S A LITTLE TIMELINE TO SCHOOL ALL YOU MUTHAFUCKAS THAT ARE LATE AND DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE NBA JEANS.

2003ISH - NBA PATCH JEANS APPEAR ON THE SCENE.

2004ISH - NBA PATCH JEANS HAVE BEEN WORN IN EVERY RAP VIDEO.

2005ISH - NBA PATCH JEANS ARE OVER B. THEY ARE OVER SO LET THEM GO FIND THEIR SPECIAL PLACE OF SOLILOQUY.

THOSE DATES ARE PROBABLY WILD INACCURATE BUT GUESS WHAT? I'M DRUNK AND I'M HITTIN THIS PUFFCO SO YOU NIGGAS CAN GO PAINT A HOUSE IF YOU WANTED SOME IN DEPTH INFORMATION ON NBA JEANS. ALSO: IF YOU WANT IN DEPTH INFORMATION ABOUT NBA JEANS YOU GOT PROBLEMS I CAN'T EVEN SOLVE SO YOU NEED TO CONTACT EVERY DAYTIME TALK SHOW HOST AND SEE IF THEY'LL LET YOU TALK ABOUT THE SHIT WHILE YOU WEEP OPENLY.

HOLD UP!

HOLD MY PHONE.

*TOSSES YOU THE PHONE*

The Kid Mero is a writer living in New York. You can read his blog, Victory Light, here and follow him on Twitter here.

  • Desus

    Very good article. Definitely interested in reading more from this author.

    • http://www.screvvface.com/ SCREVVFACE

      Relevant:

      Interested in reading more from this commenter.

      • Desus

        SAME

  • fuccyouraunty

    don’t forget the throw back jerseys nigga. birdman lugz, hurricane games, phat farms n alla dat. I was fuccboi fresh back then

  • Jason Villalobos

    Dude what the hell is “wild duffable”?

    • YaBoy$Ant

      Making someone wanna duff (punch in the face) you

  • glopez08

    I laughed till u had to say something about a Puerto Rican cause I am a new yorkrican an d I rock swag so check your self!

  • Jason Villalobos

    Hahahaha!!!

  • non

    I’d love to read this if you had not written in CAPITALS

  • Dave s

    Huh? Nigga make yourself clear!

  • http://westcoastkeish.com/ WestCoast Keish

    I remember when those used to be the shit. In retrospect, they look like something from the swapmeet.