Quickly Unleash Your Penis On The World

This belt has a quick release buckle. I’m sorry, did you hear me? THIS BELT HAS A QUICK RELEASE BUCKLE. SAY GOODBYE TO THE PEE PEE DANCE YOU DO WHILE YOU UNBUCKLE THAT CORDOVAN WHATEVER BELT AND UNDO ALL THOSE SALVAGED PEWTER BUTTONS ON YOUR FANCY FLY. Seriously, sometimes you just gotta go and all those unnecessary detail just get in the way. Also, you can impress your girlfriend. When she’s like, “Really? You proxied an Engineered Garments belt because the belts here in the United States weren’t, and I quote, ‘Trill enough’” just use the quick release and point at your dick and go, “Easy access for you, baby. EVERYTHING I DO IS FOR YOU AND OUR RELATIONSHIP.” Chicks love when you tell them your wardrobe choices center around how quickly you can unleash your penis on the world.

  • http://whatthefuckgeb.tumblr.com GEB

    Well written! Well written, ideed!

  • CJC

    Caveat emptor though I own two of these and the tip of the long bit tends to stain and then make a conspicuous hole in your pants.

    • CYO

      Getting that dick release fade!!

  • Kay

    This site needs to be a television show…