People Will Just Assume You Have A French-Canadian Friend

Yo, this visvim candle will run you exactly $164. Or 180 if you're Canadian. SUCK IT, CANADIANS. HIROKI AND THE GLOBAL ECONOMY HAVE CONSPIRED AGAINST YOU. Anyways, I was gonna go on and on about how outrageous spending 164 dollars on a candle is, but then I remembered how much I pay for cable and internet. FUCK YOU, COMCAST. I SHOULD GET A BUMP OF COKE AND A BOX O' GRIGIO FOR HOW MUCH I PAY FOR THIS SHITTY SERVICE. I PAY MORE FOR INTERNET THAN I DO FOR HEALTH CARE. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH OUR SOCIETY? Truth be told though, without the Internet we'd all probably be dead.

Also, the maker of this candle is Blaise Mautin. From now on, when you want to slip out of a lame party to smoke weed, please tell your friends, "Hey man, we gotta go meet Blaise Mautin, remember?" That's the best code word ever to insulate yourselves from cheeba hawks. It used to be like, "Joint staff committee meeting," but that was super obvious. With "Blaise Mautin" people will just assume you have a French or French-Canadian friend. And that's the perfect cover if there ever was one.