Oliver Palnau, World's Most Ridiculous Menswear Designer, Is Ready To Win

Image via Complex Original

Oliver Palnau was a swagless mechanical engineer and currency trader before he realized his true calling: to design luxury garments for the owners of mega yachts and other international power players. His life philosophy is centered around the idea that we only live 100 years. Which, not exactly, but I get what you're saying, my lord. Life is short, so why not design a debut clothing collection that only comes in three colors—black, white and blue—because those are the most prominent colors on mega yachts? I believe we've found the greatest FIT educated menswear designer of a generation, folks.

Dawg, I get the concept of limited goods to drive demand, but you can't publicly post that you've only sold two jackets as if that is a fucking boat or something. Either way, Oliver's signature piece, the Armateur blazer, is only available to "to select qualified individuals," has a lifetime warranty and is basically the equivalent of owning a piece of priceless art since only 78 will be produced. You better hurry your ass up as there are only 76 left at the time of this article's publication. Who knows how many Four Pins reading "shipowners" are about to cop.

OH SHIT! THIS LEGEND SENT HIS TWO CUSTOMERS A BOTTLE OF 2004 DOM PERIGNON JUST FOR BUYING A TERRIBLE BLAZER. DOES THIS MEAN OLIVER'S ACTIVELY SITTING ON 76 BOTTLES OF DOM? HEY OLIVER, LEMME HOP ON A YACHT AND POUR OUT A COUPLE BOTTLES ON SOME HOOKERS YOU HIRED TO IGNORE US.

In case anyone was worried, O. Palnau ships internationally as well as offering an at sea delivery option though "all yacht based purchases will be variable based on the cost of securing a helicopter or smaller vessel for delivery from the local port." Thank god. That was close.

Ya boy Ollie P even drops gems of knowledge on the personal blog section of his site, ostensibly named "Storytime." So far, all we've got is this joint about opening doors for women. You gotta keep it locked until October 8th for the second installment.

No, you can't currently get in on the goldmine that is Olive Palnau, but feel free to go ahead and add your name to the waiting list like the rest of us.

Meet the faces of the brand, Oliver Hubbard and Mark Herrman, who are definitely real, actual male models and not just two brolic dudes Oliver went to high school with.

FINALLY, PLEASE JUST WATCH THE GREATEST FASHION PROMO VIDEO OF ALL FUCKING TIME.