Nobody Around To Suck Out The Poison

These snakeskin Vans Authentic's are the coolest. As you may or may not know, science has recently proven that snakeskin is in fact the coolest streetwear pattern of all time, edging out both leopard print and camouflage. Now, that doesn't mean you will necessarily be the coolest wearing them, just that in terms of dangerous wildlife, snakes trump leopards, and danger is really fucking cool. I know what you're thinking, "But Jake, leopards are fast and have big ass teeth!" That's true, but do leopards have venom? Do leopards wrap themselves around their prey and squeeze them until their eyes pop of their fucking skull? I'd much rather go out via a swift claw to the dome than be bitten by a rattlesnake in the desert with nobody around to suck out the poison.