Net-A-Porter CEO Celebration Illustrates Our Miserable Existence

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On July 9th, Net-A-Porter CEO Mark Sebba showed up to work on his 11th anniversary and, instead of a normal day at the office, the entire staff overwhelmed him with a congratulatory rehearsed flash mob while singing Aloe Blacc's "The Man." Talk about fuck being on some chill shit. I feel like I'm eating corn directly off the cob this is so wack. The least we can say is that the squad put on for him. Jesus, though, Complex is such a #content farm. Compared to this, we look more like those geese all lined up in an actual farm where they fatten 'em up to cop some of that delicious foie gras. Disgusting. But we subsist and continue to produce heaterz.

Then they fucking catfished dude with a naked guy around the corner. What is that about? I don't know what's up over there in London with all their Euroness and such cultured existence, but that's just straight up uncalled for. Fortunately, they followed that up with an endless wall of fine ass Net-A-Porter honies to sing his praises alongside a big ol' church choir. Even the peeps in all the other offices had a dance routine ready for the Chief Executive of Flexing. Sebba, you dirty dog. These people have no idea who you are and they are fucking killing it for you, dawg. You're like a Roman emperor. These people will lie down on a sword for you. I don't know how you did it. That must be the best in class "corporate culture" Complex is always talking about. Net-A-Porter's offices are so fire. Look at those high ceilings—those must be, like, 20 feet tall. And all that natural light. Just think of the 'Gram possibilities! Damn, I haven't even been working working at 'Plex for two weeks now and I'm already catching feels over my obvious professional oversight.

Mark didn't really seem to enjoy this whole riff raff though. In my opinion, it is a bit much. Where was this at his 10th anniversary? I guess the Net-A-Porter crew bricked it or just straight up completely forgot, so they had no choice but to become YouTube sensations to make up for it. What the fuck is Mark supposed to do after this? Work? Get all the way the fuck outta here.

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