More Welts Than Friends

Do you have a lot of nice shoes? Do you have more Goodyear and Blake welts than you do friends? Do you have this TURMS complete shoe care case? No? THEN YOU’RE NOT BALLER. YOU’RE JUST SOME GUY WITH A LOT OF SHOES. This box of shoe care stuff costs 495 quid. I’m pretty sure "quid" stands for some measure of British currency, but I’m not sure. I mean, they call arugula "rocket" for Christ's sake. Also, shoutout to anyone who would rather buy this $785 box instead of, I don’t know, getting your shoes shined by a professional everyday during your commute until forever. Whatever career allows you to afford 800 dollar splurges on polish and wooden boxes also affords you the free time to really learn how to take care of your shoes. And if it does, you should be spending that time wisely fucking bitches and drinking mimosas.

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