The Met Gala Gets A Swagless Dress Code

Anna Da Gawd Wintour pulled a very autocratic move and decreed that the dress code for the Costume Institute Gala at the Met to be "white tie and decorations." White tie? Who the fuck wears white tie anymore? I get it, Anna, you're out here trying to get people to talk about the gala and you and fashion and notions of dress code and glamor and blah blah blah. But who the fuck looks cool in a white vest, white bow tie and fucking tails? TAILS? The gala's gonna look like a bunch of hipsters cosplaying that scene from Dumb and Dumber.

Shout out to whoever did these sketches too. KANYE AIN'T GONNA WEAR A CAMO TUX AND IF HE DOES, KANYE, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, MAN!? I just realized that a ticket to this shindig goes for $25K. TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS? OH MY GOD, THE AMOUNTS OF COCAINE DONE OFF COATTAILS IN BATHROOM STALLS IS GONNA BE AMAZING. I would keep some of my designer drugs in my top hat, but really only as a decoy for the fucking fuzz. The real exotic narcotica would be hidden in my cane and the heels of my dress pumps. YEAH, YOU HAVE TO WEAR DRESS PUMPS FOR CLASSIC WHITE TIE LIKE A GODDAMN MORON. At least you can keep mind altering substances in the raised heel. Also, an extra roll of hundos and fifties. The hundos are for blowing moguls. The fifties are for tipping doormen and that one waiter that kept your Moscato very on and poppington all night. Shit, now I want to go to the Met Gala as a really rich debutante. That's what I'd tell people I was while smoking hashish and opium out of one of those long ass Cruella de Vil cigarette holders.

  • beagle

    more concerned about how they can try to have amare stoudamire out here like ‘always a knick’ when that’s clearly a GSW colourway. someone needs to be fired for this.

    • Jake Wolf

      Blue and orange. That’s the Knicks colors ya colorblind douche

      • beagle

        i will die for my assertion that they’re blue and gold