Why #Menswear Is Ruining Your Sex Life

Not Available Lead
Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

Not Available Lead

One would think that paying near obsessive attention to every facet of your wardrobe would lead to a concomitant increase in the amount of social activities and overall schmanging in your lifestyle. BUT IT WON’T. And you’re probably not even really aware of it yet because you’re in too deep, Mekhi. WAY. TOO. DEEP. Or maybe it's already painfully obvious that you're being c-blocked. Either way, you need to correct this shit ASAP. Here are all the ways #menswear is ruining your sex life.

1. menswearsexlifelead

Not Available Interstitial

2. projectyourtaste

Not Available Interstitial

3. spendallmoneyonclothes

Not Available Interstitial

4. apartmentmessy

Not Available Interstitial

5. hatehertaste

Not Available Interstitial

6. diminishedsocialskillz

Not Available Interstitial

7. yougotnsnappedmenswearanecdote

Not Available Interstitial

8. maintainingjawnz

Not Available Interstitial

You're Too Concerned With Maintaining Your Expensive Clothes

Let’s say you do manage to convince a girl that the party was in fact lame and that your apartment is inspired by Japanese minimalism. Say she’s been watching a lot of that show Scandal and wants to rip your shirt off of you all sexy and made for TV movie style. I doubt you’re a violent person and would almost guarantee that you abhor violence against women. But if she rips the buttons off your fucking Finamore you may murder her. I mean, you could probably be in bed with her but you’ll be fixated on the fact that your cashmere crewneck is just lying there on her floor, crumpled up like some hot garbage from American Apparel. Listen, my man, at the end of the day...

9. messingupjawnz

Not Available Interstitial

10. nickwooster

Not Available Interstitial

She Will Eventually Find Out You're In Love With Nick Wooster

Because you’re a total creep, your porn folder is so well hidden that even Nicholas Cage with his entire crew fromNational Treasure won’t be able to find it. But she will find your "inspiration" folder when she borrows your computer. At first, she’ll think it’s just another one of your weird interests, like learning how leather is tanned and cataloging every single outfit Kanye West has ever worn, but then she’ll see that there is an inordinate amount of photos of a certain gentleman in that folder. And by "an inordinate amount", I mean more than pictures you have of her. In fact, she’ll probably realize before you do that—SPOILER ALERT—you are actually in love with Nick Wooster.

11. vacationsaroundshopping

Not Available Interstitial

You Plan Vacations Around Shopping

Girls love going on trips together. They love apple orchards and Miami beach and bed and breakfasts in Vermont and visiting art museums. These are all normal activities to partake in with your loved ones. You know what isn’t? SPENDING FIVE HOURS WANDERING THROUGH STORES THAT DESCRIBE THEMSELVES AS "WELL CURATED", "DIRECTIONAL", OR "AS FEATURE IN FREE & EASY". It’s cute you want to go on trips together with your girl, but she is not flying 14 hours to Tokyo just so you can realize that you’re too fat to fit into Japanese clothing.

12. accumlatemenswearknowledge

Not Available Interstitial

13. impossibletoshopfor

Not Available Interstitial

14. checkingoutotherdudes

Not Available Interstitial

15. looklikeyouconsumerculturehighsnob

Not Available Interstitial

You Look Like You Consume Various Cultures Even Though You Don't

#Mensewar, unlike a lot of other nerdy hobbies, is a fairly holistic one. You have to know about and actually enjoy things like art, film, music, food, architecture and literature. But the good thing about #menswear is that you can just dress the part if you’re actually a horrible philistine. The bad thing about #menswear is that anyone, male or female, with even half a brain will soon figure out that the last book you actually read and thought critically about was The Catcher In The Rye in eight grade.

16. asianfetishredclaysoul

Not Available Interstitial

Latest in Style