Why is it so difficult for people outside of menswear to cover menswear? According to Business Insider something called "mantyhose" is trending amongst men. And it's totally legit because WWD told them. Thanks WWD. Maybe Business Insider just wanted to cover something "sooo crazeeee" in fashion. How about you just fucking Google "menswear", I don't know, one fucking time, and talk about how grown men are seriously wearing women’s hats, shawls, capes and fur? That’s way more interesting than the seven people who have ordered "mantyhose" as a gag gift. Think about it, men are openly embracing all kinds of fashion right now and you choose to cover "mantyhose"? FUCK YOU BUSINESS INSIDER AND FUCK YOU WWD. Next time why don't you raid Tommy Ton’s Tumblr and have the headline read: “Looking Like A Wizard Casts Its Spell On Men Everywhere”? I’ll still talk shit about your uniformed article, but at least not as much as the one about "mantyhose". The only thing that makes me angrier than the word "mantyhose" is the fact that Schlossman is making me write this shit and I have typed that linguistic abortion way too many times already and it’s just the first fucking paragraph. WHY MUST YOU BE SO MALLEABLE, ENGLISH LANGUAGE?! EVERY TIME YOU SEE THE WORD "MANTYHOSE" JUST PICTURE ME MAKING EXTREMELY AGGRESSIVE AIR QUOTES.
This bullshit reminds me of that whole "metrosexual" thing that Bravo unleashed onto the American public with Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Do you guys remember that show? That’s why your girlfriend insists on buying you lightly washed denim, sweaters with zippers and classy flip-flops. It’s also why department stores keep trying to sell you metallic shirt, tie and pocket square combo packs. Those things are like the Pokemon power packs you used to buy, but instead of sweet trading cards that you literally lost in less than 48 hours, they're full of ugly fucking clothing. We’ve come too far to go back to this shit. GIRLS LIKE BEARDS AND DIRTY JEANS NOW. WE DON’T HAVE TO WEAR "MANTYHOSE".
And can we just stop saying things like "mantyhose" or "meggings" or "mewlery"? WE DON’T CALL BASKETBALL "SOLID FUNDAMENTALS BALL" WHEN GIRLS PLAY IT. We are allowed to wear jewelry without feeling effeminate. I don't know about you, but a gold Rolex and Cuban links make me feel fucking amazing. You wanna know what makes me feel effeminate? Dr. Pepper 10 and MGD 64. That shit is just diet soda and diet beer, but evidently the word "diet" is girly. Wait, diet soda is kinda girly. I will laugh at you if you order Diet Coke. I can’t help it. You may be in better physical shape than me, but I'm sipping on that diabetic starter kit and it tastes amazing. At least you'll be able to fit into your new pair of "mantyhose".
Picture courtesy of The Sartorialist