Introducing, The Slumped Necktie™

Have you ever been so exhausted at work you just decided to go on airplane mode and snooze straight 'til quitting time? I'm sure we all have. Getting this #content created and published is exhausting. NO NAPS. JUST LONG SLEEP. So, instead of, oh, I don't know, calling it a fucking day and telling your boss to go suck a lemon, you can buy this inflatable tie from Hammacher Schlemmer and get straight slumped right at your desk. Discreetly I might add!

My heart goes out to every actually successful guy who gets this as a gag gift from his shitty ungrateful children, his sidepiece or a co-worker. If you have an office with actual walls and a door, you've probably worked really hard to secure such a private sanctuary in the workplace. Offices these days are exactly like old-timey baseball stadiums that had really long troughs for everybody to piss into instead of separate urinals. That's exactly what an "open" office plan is like FYI. I'm not trying to rub shoulders with the Fashion Bros when I'm getting these tweets off, feel me? I can't fucking wait until I go to the Complex offices and trick everyone into thinking I'm ruminating on the best Top 25 list of all time when I'm really just dreaming about sliding into their girls' DMs.

  • better_than_moy

    Moy, you’ve been wearing long shirts, tunics, and popovers for so many seasons now I don’t even know how Schloss let you write about a tie, let alone some pussy-ass-let-you-fall-asleep-on-the-job-tie. I know you have to try extra hard now that Woolf is gone, but forreal doe, in reality you should be talking about how if you still have to wear some neck piece to work in 2014, you already make enough to afford the coke habit that keeps you from falling asleep on the job

    • own_up

      I mean shit, you could have talked about the utility of flights home from Pitti or Fashion Week with this thing to store the jewelry you grabbed during the after parties where people were using all sorts of weird tools to do blow. No wonder you just #slept on this shit.

  • dom

    apparently try-outs for four-pins last longer than any of the high school sports these kids didn’t make the team for.