Imagining #Menswear Heaven

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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If you’ve accepted Crisp Kringle as your personal lord and savior then a posthumous lifestyle marked by bombers, brunch and Jordans that take a toothbrush to themselves awaits you in #Menswear Heaven. I know this because one time in Sid Mashburn a Japanese tailor accidentally stuck me in the femoral artery and, when I came-to hours later, I’d cheated death and bore witness to the splendor that is #Menswear Heaven. Yes, I’m crazy. Now pay me the same respect you’d pay Robin Leach while he walked you through Left Eye’s pool house.

Rick Morrison is a writer living in North Carolina. Follow him on Twitter here.

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The Housing

Everyone in #Menswear Heaven gets one mansion per every thousand Instagram followers they had on earth. When you walk in for the first time a laconic valet takes your coat and escorts you to your new dining room where your first meal is unlimited McChicken sandwiches and Hennessy. Your closet isn’t so much a closet as it is the white antechamber of the Matrix where Tank uploads whatever you need on whooshing shelves and shoe racks. Video crews troll the neighborhood like trick-or-treaters, begging for a Cribs-esque peek inside. Whether you indulge them or not is your prerogative.

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The Street Style

Street style photography in #Menswear Heaven is taken to a cosmic level. Robotic sentinels, equipped with the eye lens headgear from Terminator, patrol the streets snapping pictures and scanning alphets. The best snaps are culled into the next morning’s paper. If you make the front page they retire what you wore and hang it from the rafters.

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