I’m Way Totally Ungay And Love Fashion, Bro

Ladies and gentlebros, hold onto your fucking buttplugs because Guy Trebay has finally made fashion NOT GAY. Which is perfect for guys like myself—pretty much just your totally average chillbro who is WAY STRAIGHT. Don't get me wrong, I got bros that are gay—my bromosexuals, my bromos—that I totally would punch a D-bag for if they stepped to them or said some totally off-base shit. I'm here for you, bros. Now, when I'm not in the gym getting swoll, pounding brewdogs or definitely banging mad chicks, I buy trill clothes—clothes for bros.

But nah, I don't love clothes in that psycho Patrick Bateman way and no, Gordon Gekko ain't my style icon. I mean, sure, those alpha bros stack paper and Michael Douglas deserves croosh props for consistently nailing a bomb chick like Cathy ZJ, but come on bro, you're gonna step to me in fat ties and shoulder pads? Yo, who are you bro, Michael Strahan? But on the real, yeah, I love to get sprezzy. Sure, B in the D (that's "back in the day" for all you nerds out there who can't speak English), I might've had a pair of Kenneth Cole square-toes and a going out shirt. So what? You gonna do something about it, bro?

I saw the light. I found out what raw denim was. I bought entire pages out of the J. Crew catalog like they were bottles at Pink Elephant. I got a haircut and some pomade and a Ludlow suit. Ya boy even threw together an inspiration board of Prince Gosling and Lord Disick. Nowadays, I roll up to Barneys and the dudes on the fourth floor dap me up. Yeah, I like fashion, but let me remind you that I am 100000% way not gay.

I felt wild blessed when the homie Guy Trebay dropped some serious knowledge in the NYT. Dude just gets it. He knows the struggle. "Designer fashion is no longer just for gay men and Europeans," he says. Preach, brah! I used to hate the feeling I'd get when I would walk into Aloha Rag, try on some Margiela, look at myself in the mirror and think, "Am I supposed to, like, want to bang a dude in this jacket?" Even when I was at Opening Ceremony, secretly buying some Ervell on the low and putting it into an empty Gap bag, all the employees would be like, "Oh, what part of Europe are you from?" Fuck that shit. Not anymore. Think your desire to look like a fucking champ stems from some Freudian shit about being hella deep down into dudes? Hell fucking no, bro.

Don't get it twisted, my affinity for "beard-farming" and my sick ass "Adam Kimmel jumpsuit" doesn't mean you can find me hanging "on the corner of Queer and Gay Streets." So don't come at me bro, calling me a metrosexual. I'll have no choice but to kick your fucking ass, bro.

  • Schwartz

    Real talk. Also the comments section from that piece is kind of depressing. Herbs.

    • Marky Mark

      Sir DeLeon wins the internet…

      AGAIN

  • Blake

    Everybody in the comments is hating on the article. Obvioulsy, style isn’t as mainstream as the article is claiming.

  • andre

    Preeach. FP finally got the disqus, we all loves the disqus.

    • Michael

      WSHH

      • andre

        saw no connection between WSHH and my comment, im sincerely apologizing for being unable to do so.

        • Michael

          my bad, thought everyone only used disqus to comment on worldstar

  • ASVP WILL
    • http://four-pins.com lawrences

      Wish we could read that.

    • Jian

      Here at Four Pins, we speak AMERICAN.

      • Kevin

        Get ‘em

  • http://twitter.com/Vanna_Huot Vanna Huot I’m Gay

    I love fashion but I’m not gay either. lol

    • Kanye Wooster

      Nice name, bro

  • http://twitter.com/fishbonedice Len Yeh

    Realer talk – I need to know who shot the photos in this article. Does anybody know?

    Errr, rather, who drew them.

  • Andres

    Maybe people come to this site because, for the most part, the writing healthily balances self-depracation with earnestness, the classic “I know it’s crazy to care so much about clothes, but I love clothes, so to work through my insecurity I’ll make fun of my love of clothes, while also loving clothes. And if you try and make fun of me, I will tell you that you can’t, because I’ve already made fun of myself”. Nice shot. man! Drench the writing in menswear patois (that rewards readers who read the right, insider blogs/tumblr – “Yo reader! You’re one of us, and how tight is it that I’ve told you you’re one of us”), and you’ve got quite a niche. Maybe this article’s overwrought satire works, perhaps Four Pins loves it’s underdog status, and how it can bite, proudly, at the well-worn and admired heels of Tmag. But maybe this article is just bad one-note writing that could use more thought, more nuance, and only gives the big dogs one more reason to crap on the blogger pups who, with too much intensity and too little self-critique, love the smell of their own stuff.

    • Andres

      Thanks Lawrence. I dig Four Pins, I think it is a cool editorial hybrid of selectism, tres bien, the sartorialist (and others), run by someone who took a freshman writing course from Adam Yauch. I guess then, here, the author takes on not the substance of Trebay’s piece, but something on its surface? I think Trebay is pretty spot on about the evolution of designer fashion in male culture in the US. Why not “man” up and take on Trebay on his real argument? Too serious for this site? I actually think he’s overstating it, and that, other than a few major satellites, that being fluent in this style and fashion language is odd (aka foreign) and effeminate. One way to counter this seething, restless love (and fear) of fashion is to (Four Pins!) couch it in hip-hop lingo (which is the exact opposite of feminine). Blogger commenters challenging bloggers who are challenging the establishment? Shit’s rich, ‘mano.

      • http://four-pins.com lawrences

        +100

      • Marc

        I don’t necessarily think that dudes (myself included) use hip-hop lingo to make themselves feel more masculine when discussing clothes. I think it’s more of a matter of shared interests — there are a handful of bloggers and writers who don’t add subtle hip-hop references to their pieces. I, for one, have enjoyed hip-hop for far longer than I’ve been exposed to #menswear. I think the one thing we can all agree on, is that there is no need for loving clothes being associated with sexual orientation.

    • Themediabull

      You write pretty good yourself, sir!

  • CES

    Straight guys don’t speak like that.. I’m just saying.

  • http://www.facebook.com/theericj Eric Johnson

    I’m printing this article and posting at the store (where I work) where straight men who are into fashion are still an endangered species. I’ma bitch slap the next customer who doesn’t want slim jeans because his girlfriend thinks it’s ‘gay’.

  • Matt

    “People say I’m gay sometimes, but I have a lot of bitches so why would I care?”- A$AP Rocky

  • tyrant74

    I understand where you’re coming from and I like your article generally – but boy, do I hate the way you speak! The surfer/hip-hop/MTV thing makes me cringe.

    • Lawrence

      Gold medal finalist in missing the point.

  • Noneofyabusiness

    You are a perfect example of whats wrong with today’s world.

    Men gotta be men. Not some fags with slim jeans, I mean you can like fashion thats okay but don’t make every man think it’s okay to look like a girl. Girls expect us to be men and dress manly just as much as we expect them to look sexy, Not every girls wants a homosexually dressed partner just so you know.

    And fuck off with the fucking bro stuff, reallly? Why is everything bro shit now?

    I used to put a lot of value to the word brother and called only my closest and best friends my brothers. But you popular new age fags make that word just a dumb thing like yolo. And even saying you can kick my ass? How can you kick my ass in your tight ass jeans? I have my feet in your face before you can even stretch your fucking legs. And if you are so 10000% not gay why do you keep pressing that point? Still doubting your sexuality? I don’t mind i’m okay with gays but not with fags like you. Oh and yes i know i’m already 2 months late but it was still fun to write this and maybe you see it and if i get trough your dumb brain it was probably worth it.

    P.s Stop ruining the word brother. And stop acting tough, everybody knows you’re a fag.