Forbes Wants To Know Why We Use Sex To Sell Clothes

Hey Forbes, can you please hire me to write COMPLETELY REDUNDANT articles for you? Give ya boy, like, 500 bones and I’ll write you roughly 800 words about a new, growing trend in the apparel industry. Say, some hot shit like the burgeoning made in the USA movement. For real though, how you gonna write an article in 2013 about how sex is used to sell pretty much everything. I wouldn’t have a problem with this article if it had simply been an observation that sex in advertising is becoming even more pervasive and, in some ways, disturbingly subtle. But you played the basic bitch card and titled your article, “Why do we use sex to sell clothes?”

AND GUESS WHAT? YOU DON’T EVEN ANSWER YOUR OWN TITLE’S STUPID QUESTION. PROBABLY BECAUSE IT’S AN OBVIOUS FUCKING ANSWER. YOU JUST SPOUT SOME ANECDOTAL FACTS ABOUT PERCEPTIONS OF BEAUTY AND HOW THEY MAY OR MAY NOT BE INFORMED BY SOCIETAL PRESSURES. THIS ARTICLE IS WORSE THAN AN ESSAY I WROTE ABOUT THOMAS HOBBES' LESSER KNOWN WORKS. I WAS 18 AT THE TIME AND THOROUGHLY ABUSING MARIJUANA AND SPENT 90% OF MY RESEARCH TIME LOOKING FOR THIS BLUEGRASS COVER OF "GIN AND JUICE" ON NAPSTER.

The only real revelation in this entire article? That YSL has a fragrance called "Opium". WHO THE FUCK WOULD WANT TO SMELL LIKE OPIUM? YOU GUYS DO REALIZE THAT OPIUM IS JUST UNREFINED HEROIN, RIGHT? SMELLING LIKE THE FRESHLY BURNED SAP OF A POPPY PLANT IS DECIDEDLY NOT THE LOOK.

If anyone came up to me and was like, “My new scent is opium,” I’d be all, “First, don’t ever refer to cologne or perfume as 'your scent.' Second, YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU ACTIVELY WENT OUT AND SPENT YOUR MONEY IN THE INTEREST OF SMELLING LIKE A FUCKING JUNKY?" Looking like an opioid addict is one thing because they are totes skinny. But smelling like one? Come the fuck on, son.

  • disqus_Bw4hdlgYoE

    Hahahhahhaahahaa

  • Matt

    Four pins funniest article

  • Guest

    Leviathan or nothin young nigga

  • Ho Malone

    bluegrass cover is by the gourds