When Four Pins first asked me to go to the Mark McNairy fashion show, I said yes because I like being invited to things. However, there was a problem. Not only had I never been to a fashion show, but I dress myself in such a way that most people with even a general sense of fashion would call my look "not great," or even "really shitty." It's a miracle Four Pins even allows me to access their website to read. Despite this fact, I put on a pair of tan pants and a sweater that human people wear, and wandered my way through the New York City subway and streets to a warehouse in Chelsea.
One thing that made this fashion show enticing were the rumors that Cam'ron would be walking the runway. My general stereotype of fashion shows (garnered from vivid dreams and comedy sketches) is that they are super bright, loud, slightly depressing, sometimes contain Victoria's Secret models, feature outfits that someone who earns the Median US Household Income (Inflation Adjusted) of $52,000 can’t afford and are normally aggressively over the top. This isn't something I'm generally super interested in going to or watching. But I knew Cam’ron wouldn’t mess around with that bullshit, so even if his presence was only a rumor, this wouldn't be too bad, right? Obviously, I was hoping it wasn't a rumor. After a week where my dorm room flooded and forced me to relocate, this was something I needed. I mean, there really is never no time when you don’t (take a moment to get through the triple negation) need some Cam'ron in your life, but I needed to personally watch the man who once asked Bill O’Reilly "U Mad?" more than usual.
I initially couldn’t find the warehouse, but after following a group of dudes in camo jackets (who seemed to make up the majority of the people in attendance), I found my way. I met up with Jake and took my seat. Jake is a nice person solely based on the fact that he didn't make fun of me immediately after seeing my face in person. The warehouse was basically empty except for two rows on both sides of the runway, a DJ booth and an area for photographers. The most jarring thing, though, was a man who used two different cameras to take pictures of a goddamn bottle of Heineken that he held in his stupid outstretched hand. First, he used his official looking camera (maybe a Canon?) to take a picture a million other idiots have taken. Then, he took out his giant bullshit smartphone to take another picture of the bottle possibly to post on his presumably horrible shitshow of an Instagram.
I wondered if the show could bounce back from something like this, but then Damon Dash sat down right across from me, wearing enough fur to make anyone who has ever heard of PETA have an aneurysm. Is fur in? I thought it wasn't. Either way, I'm not going to say that to Dame Dash. I'm also not going to say anything to Dame Dash, ever, because we are on very different social levels. He sat next to Hot 97's Cipha Sounds and Miss Info, the latter of which was wearing a winter hat that was so tall it looked like something one of the Coneheads would have worn to conceal their conehead. Victor Cruz from the New York Giants was there too, but he was dressed and acting like a normal person, so who cares.
It was also noon, so I have to assume that Jim Jones is always high.
Soon, the lights went down, cool music started playing and attractive people in nice outfits began walking in a straight line. A lot of the outfits were relatively normal by my completely fabricated fashion show standards, and looked like something I would want to wear if I wasn’t operating on a budget that forces me to only eat frozen pizza. I had been told that McNairy shows are more "low key" and "fun" than other shows, which probably explains the outfits and amount of cool people in attendance. The outfits seemed sort of old-fashioned, which is IN (a fashion word, for anyone not in the know).
Again, I'm no fashion whiz, but they were cool duds that I could imagine an actual human being wearing. Also, an old man dressed like a racecar driver from the 1930's walked, which seemed like a nice shout out to old men everywhere. Another model held a beer while he walked down the runway, which seemed like the "punk" moment of the show. My only real disappointment happened when the program promised someone wearing "82 Pants," which I thought meant someone wearing 82 pairs of pants at one. Oh man, would I have loved to see someone wearing 82 pairs of pants at once. But, unfortunately, that wasn't the case. It never is. Fortunately, my disappointment evaporated when I saw Dame Dash motioning to someone behind me (at no moment did I think he was motioning to me). I turned around and, low and behold, it was a smiling Jim Jones, a clear indicator that Cam'ron or, at least, ONE member of Dipset (Julez? Vado?) was going to actually strut his stuff. Jones, it should be mentioned, smelled like straight up expensive weed. Kush is either Jim Jones' signature cologne, or maybe he has smoked enough marijuana that it has infiltrated his sweat glands. It was also noon, so I have to assume that Jim Jones is always high.
In total, 33 models walked the runway, followed by a momentary pause, which meant a "high-profile" guest was likely coming out. In years past, McNairy shows have featured finales consisting of rappers like Pusha T and Danny Brown, so, most likely, another rapper was going to emerge. Then Cam’ron came out with his fiancee Juju and waved to the crowd like visiting dignitaries from another planet. Jim Jones was still behind me and began hooting and hollering and pointing. I can only assume that he was not supposed to do that because he was the only one doing that. Naturally, Cam wore a fur cape with the word "DIPSET" emblazoned on the back, which is a really fun sentence to type. Cam'ron is apparently trying to make capes a fashion thing, which is kind of odd considering he has to know that he might be the only person in the entire world who can pull off a cape.
As Cam'ron walked he gave high fives to his famous, courtside-sitting friends, which no other model did because they aren’t Cam'ron. He posed for the cameras, then turned around and left, giving the audience the chance to stare at the back of his cape. His 2002 hit "Hey Ma" began playing as the rest of the models walked out as one, and then it was over. Cam'ron came and Cam'ron left. The outfits were cool and nice, but Cam'ron was the main draw as Cam'ron automatically is wherever he happens to be. He's always been rap's fashion oddball, which makes his appearance at a fashion show—even a relatively "cool" one like this—somewhat subversive. And, sure, Cam'ron isn’t as big as he used to be, but he can still inspire a sense of child-like wonder and awe, as evidenced by the bursting foot-long smiles of the audience. Bonded by our love for Cam'ron, I felt like I belonged with this group of fashion-minded folk. Then I typed the word "folk," and it all disappeared. Forever.
Brendan O'Hare is attempting to be a writer and comedian while living in NYC. Follow his comedy jokes on Twitter here.