The following is a cover letter* we uncovered from someone who applied to work for Internet streetwear sensation/reformed troll Wil Fry. Its origins are unclear, especially because the person failed to provide their full name on their resume, merely their Twitter handle, @KanyeWestsDogWalker_, and the hashtag #makingmoves.
First of all, congrats on your new Twitter handle, man. You've come a long way since your days as @wil_fry_, and soon you're gonna be verified and take that next step. Did people usually forget that second underscore? People ALWAYS FORGET the underscore in my Twitter handle when I'm trying to #build with #fam and create #art. I pay attention to the details though. Not just underscores, but stuff like how many times Ian Connor has RT'd me in the past year (3). But let's talk about #creating. And #influencing together. Those are what I'm good at. I turn IRL people into digital gods and I want to work for you because I know #culture.
Individuality is really the most important part of my personal brand, but also my T-shirt line, Worldwide Luxe Angelic Swag Concepts. It's actually not even a brand, it's more of a #movement. The concept behind the brand is really all about luxury basics with a twist and high art and religion too, like, coming together into a universal idea that really connects with people on an emotional level. Also, leather.
I also want to tell you how inspirational it is that you've #built something without anyone knowing who you really are. People are all about selfies today and for you to resist the urge to take even one selfie at SoHo House is pretty impressive and speaks to your #integrity. It was so #inspirational in fact that I tried to take all the photos down of me on the Internet. But then I realized that my face and my look are both part of my personal brand. I hope you understand that and it doesn't get in the way of our #building.
I know by now you're wondering what my credentials are. Well, aside from my personal brand and WLASC, I don't have any, like, REAL world experience, but the adversity I've overcome has been tremendous and my #individuality really shines through in my work and my online presence. I worked at my town's high-end streetwear boutique, Zumiez, one summer, but we ended up parting ways when the owner accused me of stealing, which was total bullshit. If anything, he stole my ideas, and that's more valuable than sneakers I think. I should mention up front that while I do have a lot of Jordans, I have not bought a pair of Air Yeezy IIs yet.
At the end of the day, other people aren't willing to say the things I say on social media. Just yesterday, people were talking shit about Drake and I told them that they were the soft ones, not him.
I hope this v rare cover letter expresses all the ways I can #build and #create with you and how the Wil Fry brand can really be brought to that next level. I look forward to hearing back from you.
*Obviously, this is a joke, but at the rate things are going...