Cleaning Out My Closet

I am a big proponent of doing mundane things on nights and weekends while slightly intoxicated. Not blackout drunk or to the point of slurring words, but just a little maintenance buzz to keep things interesting. After a couple of beers, talking to your parents on the phone is kind of fun. Movies are always better, and don’t even let me tell you about the benefits of going for a run after happy hour. I feel like Michael Johnson on uppers. So, basically like Carl Lewis!

Almost everything except operating a motor vehicle and delivering a baby can benefit from a little liquid encouragement. Especially my favorite drunk pastime after drunk dancing: drunk shopping.

Drunk Shopping is kind of like playing Russian roulette with your debit card—sometimes you're going to get away with it and wake up on the couch tangled in some great purchases. And sometimes, you’re going to wake up with elastic-waisted jeans.

Over the holidays, I decided to purge my closet of some questionable drunken purchases. Sadly, I discovered a ton of other pieces that are just as unfortunate that I can’t blame on beer—these monstrosities were purchased with clear eyes and a full heart. And I lost.

Because I am nothing if not a glutton for embarrassing myself, I’ve decided to share with you, dear Four Pins readers, some of the worst pieces of clothing I found in my closet. May it inspire you to let go of useless pieces taking up space in your closet and encourage the "buy better, buy less" mentality that we all strive for. And if not, may it at least inspire you to pick up a 40 and hit the mall.

Steve Dool is a writer based in New York City. Follow him on Twitter.

  • Tjay

    Slide 9 hurts my eyes. I’m not sure if that’s literal or not…

  • Django

    I sort of like that blazer. Ha ha.

  • Ernest

    There’s nothing wrong with the “Casual” dress shirts. The blue one is not even “business” since it has a pocket. However, thanks for dropping the stripy one.