Cheat Codes

So you've been suckling wisdom from the teat of Mama Four Pins for the better part of a year or so. You've changed your personal style, added cool new words to your vocabulary and even acquired some genuine geranium leaf hand cleaner to up your toiletry game. My dude, this is it. You've been training for this moment. You are now ready to delete all the basic bitches from your Facebook feed and switch up your attention to those dreamy Tumblr chicks you were too damp to speak to 6 months ago, right?

Wrong. Culturally, you're still a fat, spotty nerd. You don't know the difference between Danish avant-garde cinema and neo-Vaudeville theatre. You couldn't tell a Monet from a Manet. You pronounce Givenchy with a hard "C." Those artsy chicks will see right through the facade of your self-proclaimed renaissance.

And, honestly, this isn't the kind of shit you can rectify by reading a menswear blog either. There are no cheat codes to this shit. You have to abandon the warmth and security of your virgin lair and open-mindedly venture out into the cold, hard world.

Remember roughly two sentences ago when I said there were no cheat codes? I was lying. This gold Vivienne Westwood tiny orb necklace will be impressive to super basic white bitches and next-level Tumblr thots alike. It won't teach you about art, music or literature, but it will be a stalwart member of your accessory stronghold before, during and after the aforementioned transitional period.

Moksha August is a serial Four Pins commenter turned writer. I guess you could say that he started from the bottom. Haha, that's the spot. You can follow him on Twitter here.

  • Sean Murphy

    What’s everyone else in the office doing now that you guys outsourced all your work to Moksha? Dude is on his grind…

  • WAVY

    That UFO lookin ass necklace is ironically not fly. Good writing tho. You have a name like a Ukrainian sex slave but you’re still much better than Woolf if that’s even a compliment.

    • Nerd

      ukranian sex slave lol THANKS AGAIN MOM AND DAD

      • WAVY

        Haha tbh it would work as a Bond villain too and this attracts all sorts of truly bad bitches

  • yung tug

    that basic bitches link was top notch, ty mok dawg