Business Insider’s Dress Code Breakdown Is Hilarious

Just as the good people at The Wall Street Journal chimed in with some commentary about how to build your personal brand, the folks at Business Insider took up the cross with a dispensation on what certain workplace dress codes mean. Holy shit, I've never let out a groan so audible in my entire life, except for when your mom gave me some cookies. Those shits were horrible.

BI consulted with Sylvie di Giusto of Executive Image Consulting, who works with executives to improve their public appearance in the workplace, to put this five-tier list together. First off, Sylvie, you have a worthy cause. I commend you on your efforts to improve the utterly swagless suited, but not even remotely booted workforce of America. We need people like you to show even the most fashion ignorant Richie Riches of the world that your appearance is scientifically the first thing people see. That's a very important lesson for you college kids out there.

But at the same time, Sylvie, we shouldn't need people like you. I'd like to think you'd agree. It's really unbelievable that we still need professionals helps us make sense out of certain dress codes. The American workplace has dropped so far off the formality scales that I think we're at the point where "Mainstream Casual" is probably the true median. So, if you think jeans and sneakers in a corporate office is appropriate, I got news for you, bucko, you've got bigger problems to deal with. You might have been concussed one too many times in your lacrosse league, bro.

Here at Complex, I'm not sure we even reach "Baseline Casual." Shit is so wild. We've got dudes running around in white tees and snapbacks. As we speak, I have on sweatpants with shorts over them, but that's probably more so to do with me being The Fuccboi™ than anything else. There are no rules up in this bitch. It's straight up fucking bedlam. Even the "executives" (I put that in quotes because I'm still not 100% sure we have execs here TBH) roll into the office wearing paternal denim, geriatric New Balances and might-hit-the-club-later button-ups. And they're the ones who handle all the fucking money!

I most definitely support the sweatpantsification of the American office, though I still strongly enjoy the word "slacks." How the fuck am I supposed to get any work done if I'm not wrapped up in a mountain of french terry, slumped off some Melt Shop at my desk? Also, anyone that says hardbottom leather shoes are actually comfortable after you wear them in deserves to be laughed at right in their dumb fucking face. You definitely wish you had sneakers on right now.

  • #lilbismyfriend2014

    catch me in my elegant denims

  • Holiday Kirk

    It makes way more sense if you look at it as a guide to disappearing into a room.