Bitches Go Crazy For That Wang

Yo, what the fuck, A. Wang? Actually, let me rephrase that. Yo, what the fuck, girls?

I don’t care how many free jawnz you stack in a room, I’ll never debase myself that much for some gear. And this is coming from a blogger. I’ve "reviewed" luxury soap for fuck’s sake. But I’d like to think that I wouldn’t punch one of my own in the face for a free pair of Junya trousers, you know? That’s why I’m hoping this really elaborately staged event video is merely an exaggerated troll of the actual near-riot that went down when Alexander Wang legit decided to give away a bunch of free shit. Human beings punching and clawing at each other over cotton basics is never as fun as you think it's gonna be. And for real, I thought girls from NYC were disaffected and way too cool for school. YOUR SECRET’S OUT. Throw a couple white tees on hangers and have Wang address the crowd like some fucked up teen-sci-fi-dystopian book series demigod and you have a full blown pussy riot on your hands.

I would've just waited outside of the venue and chain snatched shit from people as they walked out. I have to imagine everyone lets their guard down once they made it through a gauntlet of psychopaths in wedges and leggings. How did Trish The Client Manager try and explain her bruises and cut-up elbows to her co-workers? Who's legit buying the sample sale turned riot excuse and a Fight Club reference is just plain lazy at this point. Best case scenario, everyone now just assumes she’s getting into really kinky sexual shit on the weekend.

I never thought we'd come to the point where we could all actually learn something from a Supreme drop. Like, you wait in line hours and days ahead of the opening. You listen to horrible mixtapes on your Beats by Dre headphones. You Instagram all the sneakers around you. You can even make fun of the kid still wearing Bapestas. BUT YOU DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT PUNCH THE NERDY ASIAN KID IN THE JUST DON SNAPBACK BECAUSE HE HAPPENED TO GRAB THE LAST KATE MOSS TEE. Unless, of course, only the yellow version is left. No one wants the yellow version of any Supreme T-shirt. In that case, punch away.

  • Tom Ayling

    hang out with my a. wang out

    • Tom Muddelston

      You’re the first guy to come up with that one. Congrats, yo.

  • Ghost Dog

    Wow real talk, what’s that Hagakure quote about the flower festival where at the end all the flowers are trampled under foot? “the end is important in all things.”

  • queb

    LOL new slaves. Clearly staged though – look at their “acting” faces.

  • Jamie McKeon

    360p movies in 2013.

  • seriously grow up

    can you stop writing like you’re a 9th grade trying to be funny

  • GUEST

    This is Kanye’s video for New Slaves, right?