Beware The Style Crutch!

It’s a jungle out here these days. You're trying to function as a highly stylish individual, but EVERYTHING is tryna hold you back. You're most likely spending an embarrassing amount of time and energy purchasing clothing and accessories and that way of life can only go on for so long. The explosion of blogs, Tumblrs and random people that seem to exist only on Twitter and Instagram, has lead to the rise of the so-called style expert. They're probably doling out sage advice like, “Play with color and pattern in your pocket square.” Maybe even, “Style should be effortless, so wear some zigzag purple socks.” BUT BEWARE. A lot of times these self-proclaimed experts are handing out tips that are really just style crutches. WE DON’T FUCK WITH STYLE CRUTCHES HERE, HOMIE. They’re like the air horn every DJ puts on their mixtape. An air horn could mean I’m about to hear a banger or another kid from Des Moines’ "chopped and screwed" version of a Mac Miller song. You gotta come with a unique ass drop or some fresh, obscure noise at this point. Keep your wits about you lest you start blowing money fast on shit that's making you look like an asshole fast, feel me? The following, in no real particular order, are the style crutches that bother me the most. You know, the ones where people are like, “Oh you write about menswear? You should meet my friend. He is so stylish. He wears bow ties everyday and Chuck Taylor's with his suits. Isn't he so cool?” FUCK YOU. Four Pins is about that submarine steez—that underground, off the radar, stealth shit that sneaks up on a motherfucker and torpedoes their whole everything with choice quality. You want to limit your reliance on these and approach dressing in doses. Danger, real talk ahead.

  • classy

    I disagree about the asian girlfriend. they’re not people so who care?S

    • Andrew So

      Asian girls are most uncool if you’re an Asian guy. Bleach blonde Swedes are where it’s at.

    • Ethan

      Ha, Mr. investment banker with an Asian fetish wearing Seven jeans! There you are.

  • tony

    You don’t know jack about suits so stop talking about them Jon.

  • Huitzilopochtli Marcos Marron

    So is Fuck Yeah Menswear included in # 18 as not to get into? Smirk

  • Spenser

    What am I suppose to wear now? Haha no I actually get the point of this

  • ‘kiss

    Moy I just saw you sockless walking down the street smoking… in peak lapels… with a head full of useless men’s clothing knowledge. Shame.

  • Alan

    *burns bright orange lunarglides* What the eff four pins? I thought we was homies.

  • Matt

    Don’t even try and hate on Patrick Johnson. Yes he needs to give up the dayglo track shoes and ankle bracelets but beyond that the guy’s golden.

  • James

    Obviously this is a brilliant parody of all those “style crutch” articles out there.
    …right?

  • Ethan

    So you put Asian girls in a list of accessories?? Although I usually enjoy your eccentric humor. Not cool this time, bro.

  • charlie

    Wheres the “anything with SUPREME on it?” What about Ray Bans? What about tattoos of owls on your forearm?

  • tclm

    oh wow, didn’t realize I had become an accessory this season. this article might be entertaining if it didn’t paint the author as fairly ignorant (and not the funny, in your face-humor kind either) walking caricature of moronic contradiction. DUDE you’re writing for a menswear blog..created by someone who frequents the features in GQ, your “fuck you’s” and claim to subtleties don’t put you above anyone.

  • Tjay

    This article is hilarious. I really hope this is just to you know, joke on the things usual #menswear nerds are into sort of like Fuck Yeah Menswear. What the hell are people who are into menswear supposed to even wear if just about every thing on this list is bashed? Conformity is a bitch, so uh, fuck that shit. Excuse my french.