As If Tying Your Shoes Wasn’t Already The Simplest Task In The Entire World

Do you guys remember Bow Biters? They were like these plastic Master locks for your shoe laces? Basically, another branding gimmick aimed at kids too stupid to properly tie their shoes. Well, Hickies was like, “Let’s take that concept, but make it dumber and more superfluous.” I mean, their product is a bunch of elastic Livestrong bracelets designed so you "can turn any shoe into a slip on.” Two things: 1. If I wanted a slip on I’D BUY A FUCKING SLIP ON SHOE and 2. Seriously, these things are just fucking lame. CAN YOU NOT TIE YOUR SHOES PROPERLY AS AN ADULT? If you have children you’re not doing them any favors. You’re just enabling their apparent lack of hand-eye coordination by allowing them to avoid easily one of the SIMPLEST daily tasks they will ever face in their entire life. At the very least, just buy Velcro shoes because with Velcro you at least get some cool ass noises. With Bow Biters you could have awesome Ninja Turtles or Garfield or Street Sharks clamping down on your laces. With Hickies…you can get made fun of by everyone on the planet. Also, nice name. Really, Hickies? Who isn’t thinking about that one slutty girl in 6th grade that got a hickey when everyone was supposed to be reading Where the Red Fern Grows during indoor recess. Also, fuck indoor recess.

  • http://www.mrmag.bandcamp.com MaG

    street sharks was the sh*t. fucking thundercat velcro sneakers were the ultimate. i really though i was panthro. but, yeah, these things is horrible. some sh*t grandma’s are given on doctor visits in the waiting room.

  • Zam G

    I’d be right there with you with how lame these things are if the white (ADIDAS i think?) didn’t look so clean with the green snaps