Welcome To InfluencerCon!

I hope all you motherfuckers got your invites. Invites to what? IF YOU HAVE TO ASK YOU’RE NOT INVITED, CHUMP. Just kidding. Don’t actually feel bad at all because we're only talking about InfluencerCon 2k13.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

What the fuck is an InfluencerCon? Oh, you know, just a series of conferences about influencing in cities as diverse as Mumbai, New York and Detroit. YEP, EVEN MY BANKRUPT CITY IS BEING TAKEN OVER BY CORNY FAUX SELF-PROCLAIMED IMPORTANCE. IS THIS WHAT GENTRIFICATION FEELS LIKE? PEOPLE HAVING CONFERENCES IN WHICH THEY DISCUSS THE POWER OF THEIR OWN INFLUENCE AMONGST THEMSELVES?

Seriously, peruse this website for a minute or two. They actually use phrases like “influencer ecosystem” non-ironically. Excuse me, but what are an influencer’s natural predators? Because, clearly, they are an endangered species. Influencers are slowly becoming a epidemic, you guys. I have a real fear that they will become a permanent fixture on the Internet landscape and we cannot let this happen.

InfluencerCon features such riveting and hot-button topics such as “ideation” and "intellectual nomadism". DUDES, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN SAYING? WHY NOT JUST SAY, “HEY EVERYBODY, WE ARE REALLY GOOD AT ACTING LIKE WE KNOW WHAT’S COOL AND HIP, SO DEFINITELY GO AHEAD AND PAY US TO TELL YOU YOU’RE COOL AND INFLUENTIAL TOO.” If this shit isn't a pyramid scheme then I don't know what is.

  • dixie

    definitely wouldn’t mind a photo series of the kind of people who go to these things haha

  • bruhbruh

    Server Maintenance: The Influencers Apex Predator

  • Andy Day

    Jake Davis is giving a talk on how to shoot slow-mo videos in video mode on a DSLR.

  • Casey Richards

    Chris @donetodeath Black is giving a talk on how to move from suburban Atlanta to NYC and be cynical about things he has no access to and knows nothing about.

    The talk is called “Hashtags & Regrams” the donetodeath story.

  • Jules Sweeney

    Jimmy Yimmy Yayo’s talk is called “I’ve spend 6 years posting images and even moved to LA, where’s my money?”