Four Pins Man Of The Year 2013: Scott Storch

It’s an honor to be tapped to pen the inaugural Four Pins Man of The Year profile. There is no shortage of great and honorable men we could bestow this honor upon. I mean, fuck it, we’re not even limited to dudes who are alive right now. Posthumous awards are gonna be so hot for 2014.

So, who is the man who rose above all others this past year? Who has a social and cultural impact beyond his peers? Who, in the year of Mandela’s passing, Snowden’s revelations and Yeezus' birth, could shine brightest? Who could possibly live up to these august heights? Scott Spencer Storch, that’s fucking who. Who is Scott Storch? ONLY A FORMER MEMBER OF THE ROOTS WHO WENT ON TO DATE LIL' KIM AND MAKE THE "LEAN BACK" BEAT FOR FAT JOE, EARN 60 MILLION DOLLARS ONLY TO BLOW IT ALL BUMPIN' COCAINE AND, MOST LIKELY, TOWARDS THE END, HAVE SEX WITH DECIDEDLY MEDIOCRE CHICKS FROM TAMPA. That kind of lifestyle trajectory is the kind we here at Four Pins fully endorse. Let’s get familiar with the founder of Storchaveli Recordings.

The former Roots keyboardist turned hitmaker hasn’t let his declaration of bankruptcy keep him down. He's wild active on Instagram, posting amazing videos of him going fucking crazy on those keys while smoking a cigarette, while getting his hair did, while wearing sunglasses indoors. SMG WILL NEVER STOP. And like any true G, Storch’s dog even has its own Instagram account. What's his dog’s name? Duey_Blaze, official SMG dog. What kind of photos does an animal of this magnitude post to his own Insta? Photos like this.

There is a plethora of interviews in which Storch is asked about the time he spent almost exclusively doing cocaine, buying things and just generally doing what we all would do given $60 mil. "Um…'06, '07, '05 '08...” That’s how Storch answered the question, “Which years were you partying the hardest?" YOU KNOW YOU WERE DOING HELLA DRUGS AND CRAZY ASS SHIT WHEN YOU CAN’T EVEN PUT THAT TIME PERIOD INTO PROPER CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER. I need to know what happened in 2005 to remind Storch of that year after already rifling off '06 and '07. Can you imagine? Even I can’t remember what happened in 2005. But I totally remember that time in 2000 when a girl let me touch her boob in Majorca. So, you know whatever Storch thinks of when 2005 comes up must be out of this universe.

When the bank account runs dry and the coke wears off, you’re left with nothing but the innate harshness of reality.

To this day, Storch retains a healthy perspective on his journey. On going broke and his problem with cocaine: "It wasn’t exactly the cost of cocaine that made me break a lot of my money." On the rumors he left Janet Jackson at his studio for 10 hours alone: "It was four hours. It was bad though." Although, to be honest, if you had 60 million dollars to spend and a problematic relationship with the yayo, you’d probably run a little late every once in a while too.

Storchavelli is even man enough to admit that at one point he ran out of stupid shit to buy. He went from copping sensible shit like a fleet of Bugattis to buying a set of diamond encrusted perfume bottles for no reason, only to have "some drunk girl sit on his counter and break one." I NEED TO LIVE LIKE THIS FOR JUST ONE MONTH. But Storch’s rise and fall is fable for all of us. With all the stories of excess, of banging "A-listers", there comes the crash and crush of reality. When the bank account runs dry and the coke wears off, you’re left with nothing but the innate harshness of reality. The reality that comes with blowing all your money on cars, drugs, and women? These guys now feels comfortable being part of your entourage. KOBE BRYANT ONCE RECOGNIZED YOU OUTSIDE OF A CLUB SOME CLUB IN MIAMI AND NOW A BUNCH OF CREEPY UNCLES KICK IT WITH YOU IN THE STUDIO.

Of course, no Man of the Year is without his faults. The debilitating drug habit, the egregious reliance on giant sunglasses, wearing this jacket—these aren’t faults. They’re lovable character quirks. Storch’s greatest fault? Making beats for Brooke Hogan. Like Rick James, another great man, once said before him, "Cocaine is a helluva drug."

But through every adversity, Storch never lost site of his god given talent. I mean, this man is a visionary. KIM K. USED TO KICK IT WITH SCOTT STORCH. HE WAS ON TREND YEARS BEFORE KANYE. KIM KARDASHIAN WAS SCOTT STORCH’S LEATHER JOGGING PANTS.

So, as 2013 winds down, we'd like to close shit out with a twenty one gun salute in honor of Scott Storch and his impossibly wise teachings on how to properly blow upwards of 60 million dollars. Plus, that riff on "Still D.R.E." was pretty fucking dope.

Original photograph by Maicol Diaz

  • Guest

    is that Scott Storch? is he the ‘pins MOTY? (totally didn’t read the article, it’s more than 140 characters)

  • therealtrk

    Yeah, but what did he actually do THIS year?

  • DRPD

    i didnt even know he was doing anything. last time i heard he went bankrupt or something. good for him he’s still richer than me smh.

  • GUMSHIP

    this shit was great

  • temiwelli

    Thats leather jogging pant. Not “pants”. Step your fashion bants up, bruh.