How To Be A Productive Stoner

As a highly-acclaimed OG in the world of fashunz and digital medias (read: someone who has figured out how to make money in my pajamas), I've met a lot of talented dudes and dudettes. Real talk, absent of my usual sarcasm, I've had the pleasure or working with and learning from some incredible inspiring, hard-working and talented creatives since I left the comforting structure of college for the harsh realities of real life. Obviously, working mostly in fashion, I've met a lot of assholes who think their shoes or watch or haircut make them better than everybody else. But mostly it's been positive vibes. There is no magic formula for succeeding in a creative industry. Among the various writers, editors, photographers, designers, stylists, brand managers, etc. that I've respected, there isn't one common trait that unites them, except that they all smoke hella weed. Real talk, 98% of the $ucc$e$ful people I've worked with smoke dubious quantities of marijuana. The asshole with the haircut probably does real drugs and drinks cocktails he saw on Mad Men, but we're too old for real drugs and Mad Men hasn’t been good for, like, four years.

"But A-Lo," you question, "Being stoned doesn't really seem to gel with the get-shit-done attitude required to excel in the harsh world of digitized-creative-media-fashunz." This is true. Being a productive stoner takes work. It takes good weed habits. You know that kid you went to college with who was stoned all the time, but still got a 4.0 and was captain of the swim team and the editor of the school paper? Well, you're not him. This isn't college and you can't waste six hours Vining to Amped 3 once you've been in the real world and seen how much money you could make in that six hours. But fret not because The Pinz is here to help you find a way to be stoned most of the time AND avoid rotting away in a cubicle. Though, if you do happen to be rotting away in a cubicle, you might as well be stoned all the time. Let's run down the signature habits of the highly-effective stoner.

Angelo Spagnolo is a writer living in Portland, Oregon. Read his blog here and follow him on Twitter here.

  • 420easterlover

    “Get casually vibed, enjoy some ham and 87 robin’s eggs, then watch the Blazers play their first playoff game since 2011.”

  • Owen

    as a stoner that retains a reasonable degree of productivity, this list is dope. I forgot what I was originally going to write.

  • Austallings

    Hit the nail on the head

  • ButtPlugs

    You save a lot of weed and you get twice as high smoking off the bong.

    • You’re thinking of vaporizing, which gets you the highest off the littlest amount.

      • Lucky Lefty

        Bongs save you more than a blunt. But a vape is the ultimate best.

    • jackhmar321

      Yeah but bongs get you to ripped to do anything productive… save them for when you dont have shit to do or before bed :)

  • jermaincolebigkritwale

    Don’t tell ppl what to do. U should’ve learned this awhile ago

  • Deef

    Best way to end an article go BLAZERS!

  • Jordan Tunnicliff

    Killed it. Haven’t had a giggle like that in a loooong time.

    • Colie

      Me either.

  • simon

    this shit was basically “don’t smoke”

  • xxx

    “How to be a productive stoner: don’t smoke very much”

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  • Christopher Paul Dart

    Oh my God, I had that urgent late day email thing happen to me once and I was paranoid for fucking DAYS after. Way after I’d stopped being high. Worst.

  • greenthumb

    You can’t go by these “rules” and still consider yourself a stoner. Some people have careers where you need creativity so to imply weed is going to hurt that is crazy. To say not to wake and bake.. not smoke during work.. come up with a to do list.. your NOT a stoner. You are a bitch you can’t handle his or her weed. Person who wrote this is the typical douche who I don’t smoke with. Shove your poncho up your ass I don’t know anyone who blazes and dresses like an idiot.

  • iemz

    the stupidest thing ever I did while stoned in the office was I spill a cup of coffee on my office’s laptop ended up I had to pay it’s repair cost with my monthly salary. true story

  • Gucci Plato

    Great list till the whole bong thing happen …. Failed on that one. A NICE Quality bong is always great.

  • KP Kev the Poet

    “Don’t wake-n-bake. Wake and make…a to-do list *slaps knee*. This is a lesson I learned the hard way, which consisted of having a shit ton to do, smoking too early and spending all day watching Samurai Pizza Cats on YouTube. You gotta make a to-do list before smoking. ” Genius

  • jon

    I’m a productive stoner and i don’t do any of that shit except make a list in the morning.

  • Desiree

    I’m not even stoned, and there’s no list on this list. whaaa?