How To Impress Chinese People

Lucky Peach’s new issue is on stands now. It’s the China Town Issue. I’m half-Chinese, so I can make a bunch of jokes about being Chinese and they’ll only be half-racist. Just kidding. Although if you have an Asian fetish, just so you know, if you wanna impress Chinese people, you gotta eat the gross shit, not just wontons and crab Rangoon. I do fuck with my non-Chinese friends and psych them out about what we’re about to eat and then we end up at Panda Express in the mall. SERIOUSLY PANDA EXPRESS ORANGE CHICKEN IS MY KRYPTONITE. IT BREAKS MY CHINESE GRANDMA’S HEART. BUT I CAN’T HELP IT. Uh yeah, buy this magazine from Need Supply and I’ll go apologize for secretly eating mall Chinese food to my family who actually own legit Chinese restaurants.