My wife of five years (what up, boo) and I are expecting a little bundle of joy at the end of April and I couldn't be happier. We've been trying for a little while and, even though all the practice was superb, especially when wifey was reading Fifty Shades of Grey and got all freaky and shit (what up, boo), the end result is what you truly bask in. And while I may be basking in the feeling of legitimate surrealism that I have literally created another human being from an activity I ever do so enjoy, there are some things that are going to suffer. My life will be all smiles (what up, boo), hugs and watching my seed grow up to undoubtedly become an asshole like his/her father, but the things that I will have to give up will not be met with the same affection. If all goes according to plan the following things WILL become an afterthought when I first lay eyes on my firstborn, but until then I've earned the right to be salty.