The Four Pins Guide To Fake Grieving Via Social Media

When a celebrity, political figure or anyone of particular merit dies, we as a Twitter family get the glorious joy of competing in the annual tradition of Fake Grieving. This time honored tradition is very necessary according to ancient customs because if a dead person does not receive at least 5,000 tweets acknowledging their passing, they cannot, by law, enter the pearly gates.

While Fake Grieving comes natural to many of you, I’m here to walk those of you—who may be a lil green behind the ears and new to this Twittah life—thru the process of Fake Grieving, also known as Fake Ass Caring on Twitter (F.A.C.T.).

Desus Nice is a writer from the Bronx who can often be found in a Chipotle or leading Black Israelites on 34th street. Follow him on Twitter here.

  • Holiday Kirk

    Saw a dude yesterday post a black and white selfie of himself crying looking out a window wistfully. Had to stop and admire the sheer fuckery.

    • RIPmytimeline

      That’s comedic gold

  • Mateo

    “…they don’t know whom the deceased was” is wrong; should be”who the deceased was. Wonder how these simple grammatical errors slip past writers, editors, or like at least 3 people who have to read this before it goes up…

    • #ACTUALLY

      #ACTUALLY

    • cozyKev

      shut up nerd

    • Mce

      Good try but whom is the object of the sentence and an unstated “you” would be the subject

      • Mateo

        Nah son, the verb is “to be” which is intransitive and cannot take an object. You never use “whom” with any form of the verb “to be.” Trust me guy, it’s wrong..

        • Mateo

          And the subject of that clause is “they.” There is no “unstated you”

          • Mce

            Got me there, but the “you” is in the independent clause

          • Mateo

            Yeah, that’s true sort of, because it’s an imperative. It’s basically a command with an invisible “you”, as in “you run a search for…”

            but that makes “you” the subject, not the object.

            The verb connected to “whom” is the word “was”

            nigga fuck it who cares anymore

          • Mce

            All this is making my brain hurt #GRAMMAR #KILLA

        • Mce

          Uhh… The verb in that clause connected to whom would be “know,” would it not?