The DJ Khaled Guide To Life

There is one thing we all want: love.

PSYCH.

If you agreed with that intro sentence, please the close the tab. You are a fuccboi of the highest order.

It's not love. Love is overrated. Anyone you love will undoubtedly betray you and become a swaggerless corpse. What we all want is money. Dollar dollar bills will fill the void in your soul and racks will keep you warm at night in your drafty mansion. For some, like Four Pins contributors, going from moderately paid, locally celebrated sex-havers to uber rich, internationally celebrated sex-havers is easy. However, for most, becoming successful and possessing untold riches is a mystery.

Fuck Tony Robbins. Fuck Donald Trump. Fuck Deepak Chopra. Fuck Oprah. Fuck Neil deGrasse Tyson. There is only one person who you should learn the secrets of the universe from. And that person is Rap Game Wake Up Now aka The Human Yak Bak aka DJ Khaled. By simply following DJ Khaled's example, you too can suffer from success. If you wish to possess such problems as not knowing which Arabescato white marble to import for your kitchen island or what is an appropriate Christmas bonus for your bocce ball court landscaper, then follow these simple rules.

Justin Roberson is suffering from success. Follow him on Twitter here.

  • will

    “CEO of iTunes”

  • Holiday Kirk

    “I Wanna Be With You” sells so many copies it comes close to crashing iTunes servers. Somehow, doesn’t chart on the Hot 100 at all.

    • Adam

      Crashing of the server affected the statistics. In reality it was number 1 for months.

  • Kevin

    This is probably the most hilarious thing I have ever read on Da Pinz. DJ Khaled x Justin Roberson FTW.