20 Douchebags More Likely To Get Laid Than You

Going home alone sucks. But hey, it's not like you're the only dude out there who's not getting laid. OH WAIT! You totally are the only dude out there who's not getting laid. Literally every single person around you is getting his knob slobbed right now at this very moment, especially the scumbags. You know who I'm talking about—complete pieces of shit have that certain je ne sais quoi that makes them irresistible to every girl that you've ever been even remotely interested in.

Not that it will help you at all, but think I found each and every douchebag that is going to get his pee-pee wet before you do. Prepare to get extremely cuckolded on a very emotional level.

Matt Rimer is a writer living in Boston. Follow him on Twitter here.

  • cody

    Nik Stauskas is the man. But tbh, spot on. The kid’s swimming in the v

  • OK_ok

    Wal-Mart is owned by the richest family in America – you don´t exactly brag about working there

  • Evan Wood

    WHO COPYEDITED THIS? Do you guys need a copyeditor? Because I’m available.

  • mikeylab

    #19 misconception. being married means you can have sex whenever you want? ha ha!! you need to tell my wife this, because apparently she missed the memo

    • Valvano.

      Then you’re doing something wrong.

      • mikeylab

        …says #1

  • Howle

    Damn this is good.

  • Versace Noodle Maker

    Man fuck douchebags

  • ayayoj

    pussy bloodhound lmao

  • C

    This is why menswear guys are not getting laid.

    • ROCCO

      Hilarious!

  • T O

    I would like 20 left clicks of my mouse back. Brutal

  • proof the reader

    This shit is riddled with typos. Jesus.

  • NEAKYHBABY

    SLIDE 14/21 HAS A TYPO…FIND IT!

    HINT*** HE MISSPELLED ASS…PROBABLY BECAUSE THE AUTHORS LAST NAME IS RIMMER..

  • fuccyouraunty

    you’re not famous cause you write for this shitty blog

  • Anthony Sykes II

    I live with slide #16. This shit is so true.