Did you hear? The online shopping industry is currently booming. In fact, legitimate, actual research shows that business is expected to increase to a whopping $327 billion by 2016, with nearly half of that attributed to men. Uh, thanks, nerds? I mean, I feel you, considering just how many incredible online clothing stores there are nowadays featuring our favorite brands. Sure, as of right now we probably spend more time getting boners over product rather than actually buying anything, but when we all get our Karpian payday, we need to be prepared. Well, guess the fuck what? I did us all a big ass favor and ranked the 25 best online clothing stores for men. You’re welcome.

If you’re as tired of traditional Euro-American menswear as the rest of us dorks, the best way to spice it up is by aggressively appropriating the clothing of other cultures. In that vein, it would seem that this jacket right here is the cultural insensitivity ticket! This premium linen and cotton…um…jawn (?) looks like it was ripped straight from Zatoichi and is indeed the sort of garb you would wear if you were a blind, katana wielding, based FOB. Okay, so technically you’d be wielding a shikomizue, but who cares because indigo robe jackets are the shit and your feeble foes would be paralyzed by the sheer power emanating off this garment alone. Nobody has time for appropriate cultural referencing when they’re busy fucking shit up.

These Supreme baja shirt/hoodie things are dope boy fresh because they remind me of drug rugs and if I sold drugs I would wear one of these and pump the streets full of that loud. Although I feel like people don’t really think of weed when they think of dope boys and shit, but whatever, this is obviously just a fantasy. Did you guys know Detroit’s own DoughBoyz CashOut signed to Jeezy’s label? If I was Jeezy’s A&R I would wear these baja joints to every meeting. Yup, I’d be the “cool” hipstery kind of looking dude that is basically omnipresent in Detroit. Back in the day it was just my boy Paul, who everybody called “White Boy Paul”. Everyone knew not to fuck with White Boy Paul.

ROC LA FAMILIA IS STILL ALIVE! Remember when Jay-Z wore his polos half on, half off? Remember when he was on a boat with Dame and UGK? Remember when he was like, “Drunk off Cris, mami on E/Can’t keep her little model hands off me/Both in the club, high, singing off key”? ME TOO, MY DUDE, ME TOO. Remember when he did that song with Freeway and Freeway murdered it in cold blood? EVEN THOUGH WHAT WE DO IS WRONG. If that shit hasn’t got you jumping in your seat, feeling like if your boss comes into your space one more time with a dumb fucking question you’ll punch him square in his quadrupole windsor knot, I don’t ever want to know you.

Check out these shirts from Matthew Ames’ “Prairie” collection available at Weekday. This denim based capsule is all kinds of drapey and blousey and minimal, so you guys will probably dig it now only to then hate it in six months, but we live in the moment so fuck it. Four Pins is officially endorsing these two shirts (one with a banded collar, the other a pop-over) that are extra-long like our money. I would post the rest of the collection, but I want to leave something for you to post on your Tumblr. I’d rather not upset the symbiotic relationship we have going on.

Yo, Draught Dry Goods, you get me. The getaway duffel is called the getaway duffel because it was designed to hold a million dollars in cash. How much would a million dollars in cash weigh? Depends on the denomination you’re fucking with. Basically, based on some very thorough research (i.e. clicking on the first link that popped up after a thoughtless Google search) any bill weighs approximately 1 gram. So, I would recommend getting 100 dollar bills because then your getaway duffel would only weigh around 20 pounds. Plus, you gotta leave room for your burner and disguise. Personally, my disguise would be a really nice suit because no one ever questions a guy in a nice suit, especially when they have a duffel bag full of cash and a loaded burner.

Boylston Trading Co. teamed up with Hell Fire Canyon Club for a rad T-shirt, helmet and editorial to tie it all together. What’s the Hell Fire Canyon Club? Oh, just a motorcycle club founded by Steve Jones of The Sex Pistols and Danny Boy from the motherfucking HOUSE OF PAIN. Remember, before Eminem, House of Pain was, like, the one group your uptight white friends could get into? They’d always be like, “I just don’t ‘get’ hip hop.” And then “Jump Around” would come on and they’d be all jumping around (natch) and losing their shit and you would be like WHAT A FUCKING RACIST! Check out the editorial and then buy the tee because you can’t really be in a motorcycle gang because your mom won’t let you.

My B, your life is only as important as your accoutrements. When it comes time to casually throw your shit on a coffee table, while you furious search for your cigarettes, you had better be packing. A leather iPhone case from Il Bussetto won’t embarrass you with it’s made in Italy, super minimalist pedigree. We’re all about understated details (yeah fucking right, but in this case right) and in the land of humblebrags the man with the most unassuming smartphone case is king.

Technically this is a “booney” hat, so I don’t want to hear shit from the anti-bucket establishment. If you were really real, and I mean, like, really real, you’d clip your SkyTel to the straps on the hat. That would make an otherwise lightweight and comfortable accessory heavy and awkward, but, on the other hand, you’d have a SkyTel on your bucket, which is pretty incredible. I’m pretty sure this will be the last bucket hat and pager reference for a while because I want to keep my job and sometimes editors have to maintain things like VARIETY and RELEVANCE, no matter how ridiculous that may sound. But it’s not their fault. It’s the readers who demand new and more constantly. SO, IT’S YOUR FUCKING FAULT.

Evidently even Dubai, a city I thought was literally dripping in wealth, has been hit hard by the economic downturn. And by “hit hard,” I mean rich motherfuckers are abandoning their cars to avoid defaulting on their loans. Defaulting or even bouncing a check is a criminal offense in Dubai, so mad people are just driving their cars to the airport or wherever and leaving them there indefinitely before skipping town. If this was popping off in Detroit that would mean a ton of Grand Marquis and a whole bunch of other strugglemobiles, but since this is Dubai we’re talking about, that means Ferrari Enzos and every other car mentioned in a rap song in the last 5 years. Supercars are literally sitting around, collecting dust on the street. Who wants to fly to Dubai with me to buy some Range Rovers and 911s on the low low? It’ll be like a sample sale, my dudes!

This is totally fucking crazy, right? But before you get a schadenfreude boner, remember these cars still represent crushed dreams, broken promises and the sickening feeling that comes with the realization that what you had was the result of living way beyond your means, no matter how baller those means may have seemed at one point.

There can’t be a better possible reification of the excess and thoughtlessness of the worldwide financial bubble than a bunch of lonely luxury cars littering even lonelier fancy streets and facades. I can’t wait until a bunch of photographers start taking high definition shots of this shit because maybe, just maybe, then they’ll stop coming to Detroit to take pictures of the American Dream’s corpse.